What Is Love?

Question: I had lunch with my friends the other day and we got into a crazy argument about how to define love. One friend said it is a feeling that comes and goes. Another friend disagreed and said once you love someone it never goes away. My recently divorced friend got a bit emotional and said she now believes love never happened in her marriage. She said, “How could someone love you, and yet be so dismissive of you?” I was left feeling a bit lost, and this sent me on a mission to find out what love “really” is. Can you help me?

Answer: I am surprised by how many have asked me this question in the past few years. I think it is because it is something we all long for, but don’t have much control over. Love can be defined as a feeling or an action, so I begin by defining it this way. Love begins with a feeling, which may be powerful for some, and only a small awakening for others. It begins in the form of emotion that compels us to connect and to be with someone. For some it is a welcome feeling, and for others it triggers discomfort, fear, or unrest based on our overall historical experiences with the love.  

However, I would like to share my recipe for healthy and lasting love. 

The depth of our love depends upon two conditions: 1) The level of self-acceptance we have for ourselves, 2) How willing we are to risk being vulnerable, open, and allow emotional closeness with another. 

Love is nurtured and cultivated by three qualities: 1) Trust, 2) respect, 3) affection. 

Combine the first two ingredients until they are blended well. Then add generous doses of the last three ingredients. Stir gently and use daily.